


Something Like Joy

by xiuxi



Category: Fate/Zero
Genre: Biting, Disturbing Themes, Dubious Consent, M/M, Violent Sex, Yuleporn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-20
Updated: 2014-12-20
Packaged: 2018-03-02 10:39:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2809367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xiuxi/pseuds/xiuxi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>Kotomine Kirei thought that he was the one who had to keep Gilgamesh in check. Had he analysed his behaviour further, he would maybe have realized that it was Gilgamesh who kept him in check, but Kirei didn’t want to dwell on the thoughts that lingered in the back of his subconscious</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something Like Joy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Shutka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shutka/gifts).



A lot of things in his life came down to simple routine if one were to analyse it, which Kotomine Kirei was careful not to do. He had a slight, nagging feeling in the back of his head that things were close to falling apart if he would look at it closely, so he simply didn’t. His life was too brittle, like the teacup he carefully placed out in the spot where it was supposed to be, and the fabric of the life he had made for himself, was close to falling apart in little pieces of nothing. So he stuck to his way of living, and avoided to examine it. 

His evenings always followed the same pattern. Two hours were set aside for training. He started with the physical exercises. Bajiquan was demanding work, some would call it rewarding, but Kotomine Kirei merely noticed that it did what it was supposed to do. He needed to calm his body and empty his mind before he moved over to his magic training. He practiced diligently and avoided thinking about results. It was the exercise that mattered, and he was satisfied when the time was up and he finished for the day. 

He used plain, unscented soap on his body and a cheap brand of shampoo on his hair. He had actually put in some effort into choosing a conditioner, as he was toying with the idea of letting his hair grow out in the back of his head. It was a wild idea, almost a little deviant. As Kotomine Kirei couldn’t allow himself any deviance, he ultimately decided against it. 

Then was the bath. He would soak his body, throw his shoulders back and focus his mind on a tiny, black dot on the ceiling. He knew he couldn’t let his thoughts wander freely. Thoughts that wandered could stray, and straying thoughts could develop into something more dangerous. So he concentrated on the dot and pretended that he was relaxing. When the huge, wooden clock turned a quarter past nine, he rose from the water and towelled off. As he dressed he would think of a car accident he once witnessed and feel absolutely nothing. At half past nine he would have his tea and a tiny sweet. 

When the clock struck ten he would go into the living room and wait for Gilgamesh. The rationale for this was simple. Kotomine Kirei thought that he was the one who had to keep Gilgamesh in check. Had he analysed his behaviour further, he would maybe have realized that it was Gilgamesh who kept him in check, but Kirei didn’t want to dwell on the thoughts that lingered in the back of his subconscious. That way laid madness, and Kotomine Kirei couldn’t afford madness. 

He would wait for Gilgamesh to materialize so that he could observe him. He would drink the wine that Gilgamesh poured for him, and then Gilgamesh would talk about things that mattered to him. Treasures, riches, spoils – Kirei couldn’t quite grasp this fascination with collecting things, but there was something tantalizing about Gilgamesh’s obsessions and his frank disregard for others and their property. Kirei could feel that they had things in common. They didn’t quite belong to this world; this human existence was far too mundane and mediocre for them both. 

As they talked, or as Gilgamesh talked and Kirei answered his brief questions, Kotomine Kirei would watch the body language of the King intently. He would watch how his eyebrows raised and fell, and how his mouth curled up in a self-assured snarl. He would notice the glint in his eyes and the glow to his surprisingly boyish haircut. Kotomine Kirei was a natural observer – he often noticed hidden things in other people – and had he turned his penetrating gaze inwards he would have realized that he was not impervious to Gilgamesh’s obvious charm. But he didn’t turn his gaze inwards, because he didn’t want to realize those things about himself. So he drank the wine and talked, and when he later walked home to his bed, he ignored his growing restlessness and awakened emotions. 

  


***

  


It was quite an ordinary day. In the morning, he had a cup of nice tea with his rice, fish and pickled daikon. In the evening he had a boring conversation and then he murdered Toshaka Tokiomi with a beautifully adorned dagger. Dinner was simple Ramen. He trained and had his bath. He let his limbs soak in the hot water and thought about nothing. Soon it would be time to go see Gilgamesh again.

Gilgamesh had his mouth slightly curled upwards as he handed Kirei the glass. The wine was thick and heavy this evening, not unlike blood. He emptied his glass fast as he noticed that the King of Heroes was watching him with slightly more interest than usual. Kirei could tell that he wanted something more from him, and he felt a ping of excitement as he wondered what he possibly had in him to give. 

Gilgamesh smiled. 

“I need you to serve me”, he said. His tone was firm and demanding, and yet encouraging. 

Kirei tried to meet his eyes with a steady gaze when he answered. 

“In what way do I need to serve you?” 

Gilgamesh smiled again and motioned downwards to his pants. Kirei was not as surprised as he thought he would be. He looked at the man before him and simply nodded. He wasn’t the kind of man who disobeyed an order. Besides, this was the kind of order he wouldn’t think of disobeying. He kneeled before the King and noticed how his hands slightly trembled as he unfastened the buttons on Gilgamesh’s fashionable pants. 

“You could hurry”, Gilgamesh said and Kirei glanced upwards just to catch a glimpse of his unflinching smirk. He could feel something stir between his legs as he pulled out Gilgamesh’s cock out of his pants. It hardened from the touch of his hands and when he slowly stroked it, he could feel something stirring inside of him for the first time in years. 

_Lust._

He wanted to suck it. He thought to himself that he wouldn’t deny himself pleasure any longer. All that had been forbidden was finally allowed. With a sigh of relief he lowered his mouth over the tip of the now fully erected member. The taste was not unpleasant. He slowly let his tongue swirl over the head of the cock, gently applying pressure as he let his tongue slither further down the frenulum at the back. Gilgamesh didn’t gasp, as Kirei had half-expected him to do, but as he glanced upwards he saw the smirk growing slightly wider. He closed his eyes and continued. The rhythm of his sucking motions steadied. He applied slightly more pressure, getting all caught up in the craft of giving a good blow job now, and increased his pace. 

Gilgamesh let out a small sigh of relief when he came. The fluids tasted slightly bitter and Kirei let himself savor them for a moment, until he gently spit them out on the embroidered napkin he always carried. Gilgamesh gave him a curt nod, which either signaled disapproval or amusement – Kirei couldn’t tell which – and said:

“Now then. Fuck me”. 

Gilgamesh tone was demanding, but it was not the tone but the incessant swelling in his pants that prompted Kotomine Kirei to oblige. He could feel his chest pounding as he quickly unzipped his pants and released his cock. He hesitated slightly as Gilgamesh sat down before him. It all felt very animalistic. He wasn’t used to being with other men like this. 

“Go on”, Gilgamesh urged impatiently. It was obvious that he wanted to be served and Kotomine Kirei could feel his guard slipping down. With a quick spell to ensure easier, more slippery passage, he pounded into the hole and let his excitement take over. He let himself enjoy the tightness around his cock as he slided into the asshole. As he found his rhythm, he could hear Gilgamesh moan, or rather purr, not unlike a giant cat. 

“Harder”. 

Gilgamesh was giving directions now. 

Kirei allowed himself to enjoy the increased sensations that came with his more and more forceful thrusting. He could feel his cock swelling even more as it entered the hole again and again. Something was building, not only inside of his testes, but within his chest or his soul even. His mind was still focused on the task of giving pleasure and staying in control, but he could feel his body rebelling from underneath. All of the urges he had pushed back deep within burst forth, like an uncontrollable wave of want and longing. He literally didn’t know what to do with himself, with his body that pulsated and ached and wanted and -

He sank his teeth deep in the back of Gilgamesh’s neck. It was meant as a mere nibble, but the feeling of skin against his teeth were too much, and he bite, sank his teeth in – this time for real. It was like standing on at the edge off a cliff and getting a gentle push from behind. He fell.

As he lost control over every fibre of his body, his mind started flashing. He saw severed limbs, pain, people suffering, Kariya’s face in agony, a spear thrust in the heart of a dying body, more pain, dying, suffering – a world filled with hurt flashing in front of his eyes. In the background he could hear Gilgamesh scream and then laugh, a mirthful cackling that urged him on. He sank his teeth in again and his cock erupted in the other man’s asshole. A few seconds of absolute bliss followed. Kotomine Kirei had never felt anything like it. Then he sank to his knees, all spent, and Gilgamesh laughed again. 

“You do amuse me”, he said as Kirei laid panting at his side. He reached out his slender hand and patted Kirei on his head, like he was his best behaved and beloved animal companion. He then assembled his clothes and disappeared in the same flurry of golden sparks as he always did. 

Kotomine Kirei laid back on the hard floor with his hands under his head. He laid perfectly still as he tried to collect his thought from the events that had just transpired. He felt just like his soul had been completely shaken from the depths of within. His core beliefs had been turned upside down and all that he had repressed throughout the years had come tumbling out in the open for him to see. A new feeling emerged from the chaos that always raged in his soul. Happiness, or contentment? No, more like something like joy.

He closed his eyes as he thought about who he was and what he would do next. And then he smiled.


End file.
